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When illness recently struck at the heart of the CBL, the CBL owners rallied. With the sick daughter of Commissioner Wesley hospitalised and the CBL grinding to a halt, the owners knew just what to do. A new cuddly toy was required and required now. All agreed that a new cuddly toy was expensive, "wow hang on ... that's at least a few dozen tinnies" one owner was heard to say. A fund raiser was required. Thus was born the Charity Bangers and Beer and Baseball Evening.
The Bangers ? Well they're sausages and that's what's in hotdogs and the owners like them. The Beer ? That's something only a lucky few players get to drink, and you'd be correct if you observed that the Lethbridge team is in a semi permanent state of intoxication. And the Baseball ? An exhibition baseball game to be viewed on a big screen between the worst team in the CBL for 2007 and the War of the Whiskey winners from the CPBL for 2007.
The PEI Argonauts ( don't let the truth get in the way of a good story ) lined up against the Cardston Battery.
While Cardston was more than happy to take a shot at the big boys the same cannot be said for PEI. PEI GM Justin Herrington took quite some convincing and quite a lot more medication before finally agreeing to the game. Herrington conceded that a cool new cuddly toy for the commissioner's daughter was worth the possible humiliation.
The marvelous feast of hotdogs and beer was laid out for the diners while the game was viewed on the big screen. The even night started well enough for Justin and the Argonauts as the teams bus arrived at the Cardston Ballpark safely.
1st Innings
PEI: used the first innings to get into the grove of the game and were retired with no runs scored.
CARDSTON: didn't need to worry about getting into the grove as they quickly took a 1 - 0 lead.
For entertainment between each innings the dinners were treated to an enthusiastic troupe of dancing girls which consisted entirely of the Lil' Britain baseball team. This was indeed great entertainment for the diners, the hysterical laughter was testimony to that. The troupes delight at the crowds reception was plain for all to see as some their number jumped up and down clapping their hands while others embraced. Off they skipped to change for their next number and the second innings commenced.
2nd Innings
PEI: GM Herrington sat nervously on as his batters marched out to the plate and promptly back into the dugout. After the 3rd out Herrington swung into action as he got onto the phone and typed furiously at his laptop.
CARDSTON: After their surprise first innings lead the Battery were eventually retired by a rejuvenated Argos team.
3rd Innings
PEI: The Argos took a 2 - 1 lead before being retired. Herrington turned around to the dinners with a knowing smile as his earlier actions looked to have change the course of the game.
The game was delayed as PEI was about to take the field when Commissioner Wesley received a mysterious phone call. This lead to the commissioner investigating the laptop of a rather sheepish looking Herrington. The game continued shortly after Commissioner Wesley took a seat next to Herrington.
Cardston: Herrington watched in horror as the Battery launched into Argos pitcher Lincoln Beerman to the tune of 4 runs. Battery leads 5 - 2.
4th Innings
PEI: Head down on the table Herrington listened to his team go 3 up and 3 down.
Cardston: Herrington makes a change and relieves his starting pitcher who he was now referring to using only expletives. The Battery say a quick hello Fernando Bonjour and au revoir to the ball. 6 - 2.
5th, 6th and 7th Innings
A quiet period in the game and a glimmer of hope for Herrington as the Battery changes their starting pitcher, Jakub Federer who was the CPBLs best pitcher of 2007, in the 6th and bring on Bernard Langbehn.
8th Innings
PEI: Herrington's head snaps upwards from the table as PEI put another run on the board. He takes a nervous gulp of his beer as they score a second before being retired. 6 - 4
CARDSTON: How quickly that glimmer is extinguished as Bonjour watches the ball sail over his head and another 3 runs are scored to a chorus of Herrington expletives. The score is now 9 - 4
9th Innings
PEI: Cardston relieves Langbehn and sends Preston Lehner to the mound. The Argos are pleased to see the ball not sliding past them as they put another quick run on the board and are starting to make good contact 9 - 5. Cardston responds quickly and replaces Lehner with Bruce Salls. Salls uses his slider to good effect though to close out the game.
Final score Cardston Battery 9 - 5 PEI Argonauts.
At the press conference the next day Commissioner Wesley revealed after the dinner the details of the mysterious events of the third innings. "My daughter who was watching the events of the evening via live video hook up called me to say she'd seen Justin typing MAXPOTS4AWAYTEAM into his laptop. I checked his internet cache to see he'd recently been to the www.gamespot.com "Tips and Tricks" page for Sierras BBPro 98. He'd found a way to increase all of his players to their maximum ability and used that from the bottom of the second. You gotta love the guy, he's always controversial."
And that's right, you read that correctly. Rather than reassemble the teams and play a real game, the innovative owners of the CBL decided to stage the exhibition game using a computer based baseball simulator. The ratings of the players were derived from the Nyman brothers scouting reports and entered into the computer. While this is a good fun idea Commissioner Wesley said a game like this would never take place in reality. And while we know that this game really was simulated, whether the result is a true reflection of both teams will remain a mystery. There is one person out there who would like to keep it that way.
All in all the night was a great success, when asked the commissioner's daughter had this to say about the night. "I like Justin, he's funny when he cries. Where's my cuddly toy?".
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