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New Ottawa Beavers' owner Brendan Macgranachan returned to the league yesterday officially and held a press conference, vowing that one day he will drink the beer as champions of the CBL.
Years after being chased out of Sherwood Park by fans, players and its residents; Macgranachan will re-enter the CBL picture as the owner of the nation capitals' beloved Beavers. After being first introduced at his initial press conference, the media could barely recognize the former owner of the Ice, he had aged dramatically. When he arrived in Sherwood Park, he looked like the savoir of the floundering franchise. Now, standing before the media today, he drew facial similarities to that of Frank Serpico.
The day started off at 10 in the morning for the owner, arriving three hours late to a staff meeting he had called due to a throbbing hangover. There, he presented each one of his staff members with a present, a new suitcase to pack their things. Then, in a now empty office, Macgranachan sat in his new office and smoked a relaxing cigar while preparing for his press conference at 12 o'clock.
The press conference didn't start well. He kept referring to himself as the sheriff and he also referred to his team as the Milkmen, about 10 times before a member of the media pointed out the team was now called the Beavers. He appeared confused, then began verbally assaulting the reporter, telling him "this is not the (explicit) time to play (explicit) (explicit) games with me.(explicit)." After 15 minutes and with the help of a police interventionist, Macgranachan finally realized the name was in fact the Beavers.
He was also grilled by the press for his alleged involvements in criminal activities while the owner of Sherwood Park. While there, he was charged with 17 different offenses ranging from public drunkness to tax evasion to extortion to arson. Macgranachan answered, "It doesn't matter because the statue of limitations has expired so you all can suck it."
The biggest topic of the day was where Macgranachan has been since he sold the Ice. Many urban myths had existed, the most popular ones being that he had been buried underneath The Igloo or that he had lived in the Mountains in a Sasquatch suit. When asked, the new owner appeared shifty and nervous, while his bodyguard Vitali whispered in broken English, "No Comment."
However, he did vow to change his ways. A historically cheap man, he told the media he would do whatever it took for the beer to come to Ottawa, telling the media he'd buy the city a 22-foot beer keg if the Milkmen won the title, with enough beer in it "to make the entire province of Ontario drunk!"
"Uhhh, Mr. Macgranachan, the team is the Beavers, remember?" said an innocent reporter in the back.
The new owner glared at him for a few second before finally giving him his response.
"Man, (explicit) you."
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