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Canadian Baseball League
2023 Articles


The return of the Milkmen

(CBL Newswire) - by Askan Fatrubil of the Ottawa Standard

It took a year, but the ownership in charge of the Ottawa CBL franchise have finally won the battle. Most of you have no idea what we are talking about. Due to a tight publication ban over the case, no details could be released until now. So here is a timeline of the events:

When Brendan Macgranachan took over the Ottawa Beavers, he wanted to change the name back to the Milkmen. "It is how I always remembered them," said the beleaguered owner, "The cow logo, everything. It was the culture and I wanted to change it back." Macgranachan obtained permission from league office to change the name back to Milkmen and the transition was going smoothly. No problem, right?

Hold on one second, PETC protested. A few years back, the People for Ethical Treatment of Cows protested the name and successfully got the name Milkmen changed to the Beavers. "The portrayal of the logo and name were offensive to cows across the country", said Ricky Roberts, president of PETC, at the time. So when Macgranachan wanted to rename the club, PETC again protested and got a restraining order against the club from changing the name.

After a long and bitter battle, the two parties hit the Supreme Court of Canada for the right to the name change. Eventually, the Supreme Court justices awarded the Ottawa team the right to change the team name back to Milkmen. No reason was given, although today, you can see the judges taking in the game from a luxury box seat inside the new Ottawa baseball stadium.

The new park, Big Daddy's Crab Shack & Oyster Bar Stadium, is named after a major sponsor of the Milkmen. The stadium seats 38,000 and featured four separate sections for complete entertainment. Down the third-base line is the Family Fun Zone to give children and their parents the ultimate ballpark experience. Behind home plate and down the first-base line are regular seating and above all of that feature state-of-the-art luxury boxes.

But perhaps the most notorious section in the stadium, and maybe in the league, are the outfield seats commonly referred to as the 'drunk tank'. Ask any opposition outfielder. Cheap beer in always on tap and one of the sections has even been rented out for a bachelor party. "We wanted to create the ultimate experience for the college kid," said PR man Jim Jackson, "Also, by doing this, we are able to isolate the incidents from other sections in the ballpark."

On the field, the Beavers have been mediocre at best. At press time, the team is 35-52 and leading the way is leadoff man Alfonso Coffman, who is currently crowned as the team's triple crown leader (.298-19-42). Rookies Alex Hill and Vince Cahill have also been contributing offensively but no one has stood out. Outfielder Zach Smith, who has had back-to-back 40 homerun seasons, only has 12 at this time and also sports an OBP under .300. Pitching has been average this season, and again, the staff has been led by ace Masashi Takasu. However, the question remains, will Macgranachan move his 32-year old ace?

"Right now, I'd like him to stay a member of the Milkmen. However, he is getting older and I am sure he could be a valuable asset to a contender somewhere down the road. Still, I think at this point, we'd have to see an offer we really, really like to trade him. I've certainly gotten burned dealing some stars when I first started in [Banff] and I don't want to make the same mistake again. I think I have grown-up and learning."

(Media chuckles quietly)

"What the **** is so funny, Tom, you piece of ****! Huh? **** you, get the **** outta my house. I do this ******* interview so you can write a story tomorrow and you laugh at me. Sergei, get him the **** outta here. You too Howard and Ron, go the **** home."

Well, I certainly don't think he's grown up and learnt yet.

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